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"Jealousy Tips When You Feel Ugly"

By Susie and Otto Collins

Do you ever look at your partner and wonder, "How did my love ever pick me?" Perhaps you see your mate as very attractive-- the former high school prom king or queen who could easily be a model. 

At least in your eyes, that's how it seems. You, on the other hand, may feel more like the ugly duckling. You might have had a hard time finding dates and have struggled with your hair, your nose, your weight, etc. for what seems like forever.

While you could feel good about the relationship you have with your partner, your perception of yourself as the ugly one and your mate as oh so gorgeous, leaves you feeling jealous. And this jealousy can drive a serious wedge between the two of you.

Behind your assessment of your fabulous looking or charismatic partner-- as compared to you-- is probably a sense of unworthiness and fear.  Deep down you may believe that you are undeserving of having a person like this in your life, or even a love as great as the one you share.

You may also experience fear that one day your mate will either be "lured" away from you by another attractive person, or that he or she will not want you, the ugly duckling, anymore. 

All these beliefs are going to do is feed your jealousy, make you feel worse, and take you and your love further apart.  

Marc and Chelsea have been married for almost 3 years now. Marc still cannot believe his 'luck' to have  ended up with a partner like Chelsea. She has it all together and looks fabulous too-- even when she wakes up in the morning.

When they started dating, Chelsea seemed  way out of his league. In fact, it has been Chelsea who has always taken the lead in their relationship. Marc's adoration of her and self-deprecation was sort of flattering to Chelsea at first.  But now it's becoming irritating and getting in the way of their relationship.

Marc is often suspicious of Chelsea's male co-workers and regularly stares down other men who even glance her way when they're out socially.

Trust your love and his or her judgment.

If you tend to see yourself as the ugly duckling to your mate's gorgeous could-be-a-model, it's time to stop! This way of looking at yourself and your love is not going to benefit either of you or your relationship. 

It puts pressure on him or her to be perfect all of the time and for you to be less than.  Instead, you might decide to trust your love's judgment. You must have some pleasing qualities to have attracted this person to you, after all.

Chelsea, for example, has always loved Marc's distinct nose which he thinks is horrible.  It's cute in her eyes.  And, of course, she loves him for who he is and not what he looks like. Chelsea actually harbors a fear that Marc only stays with her because of her looks. 

They both know how wonderful it is when they connect as they make love together or just take a walk in the park talking.  But Marc's jealousy and apparent emphasis on looks dampens that passion.  

What's great about you?

When it comes down to it, your partner could see you as drop dead gorgeous and that wouldn't matter unless you also love and value yourself. And we don't just mean that you think you're pretty or handsome.

You have to feel worthy and valuable as you are, for who you are in order to bask in the love that is being offered to you by others-- especially your mate. 

This may feel weird or uncomfortable, but try it anyway. Every single day, think about one thing that's really great about you.  It might relate to your appearance and it might relate to something else. 

Look in a mirror and appreciate the deep color of your eyes even if you've previously thought them too brown, for example. Marc finds this practice difficult at first and even feels a little self-centered and delusional doing it. But he continues anyway.

He notices the way he treats other people with respect and is generous with his time volunteering at the senior center.  As he gets better and better at this self-appreciation thing, he begins to look more often in the mirror and not recoil at his own reflection.

In fact, he starts to actually like his appearance. The more he can love and accept himself, the less he compares his looks with Chelsea's.  This, in turn, eases the fear of losing her that feeds his jealousy.

When you begin to feel deserving of love and your fabulous partner, you will undoubtedly notice improvements in other areas of your life.

That ugly duckling label you attached to yourself long ago could easily fall away as does your jealousy habit.  In its place can grow the ever-expanding connection between you and your love.

For a free course and more tips on overcoming jealousy...

 

Susie and Otto Collins
P.O. Box 14544
Columbus, Ohio 43214
(614) 459-8121

 

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