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"We've grown apart. Now what?": Relationship Advice for Re-
connecting and Re-starting the Spark

By Susie and Otto Collins

Tina looks over at her husband Jeremy as he eats dinner at their kitchen table and he almost seems to be a stranger. They've been married for just about 20 years now, and most of those years have been smooth and enjoyable.

But, to Tina today, those 20 years of togetherness might never have happened. Tina realizes that her marriage is primarily a series of events and interactions focused on their children, home and respective careers.

She feels so disconnected from Jeremy at the moment. Tina wonders how they came to grow apart and if they can ever regain the passion they once shared.

It happens.

You and your partner just get caught up in the stresses and pulls of life. You might have children, demanding careers, engaging hobbies or other things that need your attention.

Your relationship or marriage can get put on the back-burner. And, as you might already know, something shoved to the back-burner doesn't usually thrive.

At some point, you might realize that the passion has seemingly drained out of your relationship. You might even be worried that your partner is seeking connection and intimacy from another person and is having an affair.

When you look up from your busy life and notice that you and your mate are not as close, connected and passionate as you once were (or as you've always wanted to be), it can feel frustrating, discouraging and even scary.

If you want to stay in this relationship and you'd like to re-start the spark between you two, it's essential that you stop the trajectory that you are currently on and make some changes.

Remember why you connected in the first place.
After recognizing how far apart it seems that she and Jeremy have become, Tina encounters a mixture of emotions. She starts to worry that Jeremy might not love her anymore or that he's having an affair and she is clueless about it all.

But then Tina stops her fearful thoughts and brings herself back to what she does know. She asks herself if Jeremy has acted oddly or out of character lately.

After really thinking about Jeremy and his usual actions, Tina feels relatively confident that he is not behaving suspiciously.

She then returns to her desire to re-connect with her husband. It helps Tina to remember all of the reasons why she fell in love with him in the first place. Tina finds some old pictures and takes a "memory" trip back through some of her favorite romantic get-aways that she and Jeremy used to take.

If you want there to more passion and a closer connection in your relationship, start with yourself. Choose to be in this relationship as fully and as lovingly as you can be.

Of course, there are the kids, work, the house and other responsibilities. Create room in your awareness for your relationship as well. Fill the space that you devote to thinking about your relationship with the excitement and passion you are wanting to create.

Get excited about this partner whom you are choosing to be with!

Share your vision for a passionate future with your partner. 
We don't advise you to go to your mate and angrily or dolefully declare that the two of you have grown apart and then proceed to list off how he or she (or even you) is to blame.

Yes, there are probably habits that you both have fallen into that are contributing to the distance in your relationship. These habits need to be acknowledged and changed.

You can set a tone for excitement and a renewed sense of passion more effectively, however, if you begin such a conversation with you partner by sharing with him or her your vision of a passionate future together.

You might not seem to be close to this envisioned closeness, but talk about it anyway.

Have the courage to tell your mate that you see the two of you making love in ways that you've never tried before-- or ways that you haven't tried in a long while. Be willing to tell your partner that you'd like to hold hands and kiss just like newlyweds.

Listen with openness to what your partner might see as a passionate future for the two of you. Ask questions and really consider the desires of your mate as well as your own.

Just talking about this potential future of re-connection and closeness may help re-start a spark between the two of you.

From that feeling, you can come up with some actions that will begin to reverse those disconnecting habits and allow the two of you to start moving closer together again.

Susie and Otto Collins are Relationship Coaches and authors who help people create lives that are filled with more passion, love and connection.

To find out more about creating more trust in your relationship, visit

If you suspect that your partner is having an affair and want help determining the truth, check out our free report "12 Relationship-Killing Mistakes You Could Be Making If You Suspect That Your Man's Lying or Cheating."


Susie and Otto Collins
P.O. Box 14544
Columbus, Ohio 43214
(614) 459-8121


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