Free Relationship
Articles


Free Relationship
Report

Our Products

Free Infidelity Articles

How to Overcome and Eliminate Jealousy

Rebuild trust
after it's been
broken

How to Improve Communication in Any Relationship

Love Making Tips & Passion Secrets

Are you considering
leaving a 
relationship? 

Create Deeper Intimacy

The Secrets To
Creating a
Magical
Relationship 

Susie and Otto's Ultimate Collection of Love, Passion and Connection Secrets

Recommended
Books 

Relationship
Coaching

About Susie
and Otto

Workshops and Presentations

Affiliate Program

Links & Resources

Link to Us

Contact Us

Susie and Otto Collins
P.O. Box 14544
Columbus, Ohio 43214
614-459-8121
    

Relationship Advice Home

Susie and Otto Collins'
Love and Relationships Articles

3 Tips for Re-Connecting After Jealousy Gets in the Way
By Susie and Otto Collins

Have you ever said or done something in the heat of jealousy and then uttered these words...

"I can't believe I just did that!"

If so, you are not alone.

The fear, worry and anger of jealousy can become so inflamed that it appears to take over your better senses. You might end up feeling mostly regret for what you just did.

Even if you don't feel regret about your jealousy-motivated actions or words (because sometimes they seem perfectly justified), it may become clear to you that it is getting in the way.

Jealousy is getting in the way of you and your partner having the kind of connection that you'd like.

Jealousy is getting in the way of the kind of communication you want to have with your mate.

Jealousy is getting in the way of the confident and assured manner that you'd like for yourself.

When you become adept at recognizing your jealous feelings when they first appear, you can start to apply techniques that can help you find ease and resolution easier and sooner...before you say the words or take the actions that lead to further distance in your relationship.

But that kind of early identification doesn't always happen. You need to know what steps you could take to re-connect with your partner after jealousy has appeared to have taken hold of you.

You need to know what to do when you are looking back at what just happened and you say to yourself...

"I can't believe I just did that!"

Here are three simple, yet very powerful, tips for re-connecting in just such a situation:

#1) Take responsibility.

Let's face it. It's not usually comfortable (or easy) to own up to what you've done.

We humans seem to have a propensity for pointing the finger of blame at anyone-- or anything-- other than us when something regrettable has occurred.

We aren't asking you to take the full brunt of the blame for the hurtful words that were said or the disconnecting actions that were taken. In fact, we don't want to focus on blame at all.

Instead, we encourage you to take responsibility for your share of the dynamics that are moving you and your partner further apart. Take no more and no less responsibility than your share.

Acknowledge that you are struggling with jealousy and that you allowed your jealous emotions to take over. Admit to what you've done or said with honesty and openness.

#2) Make amends.

Don't underestimate the power of a genuine and heartfelt apology. It does need to truly come from the heart, however.

Your partner can most likely feel it if you really are sorry about what happened.

When you apologize, don't apologize for anything but what you are responsible for. It is helpful if you see your apology as an end unto itself, rather than a way to force your mate to own up to what you think he or she should be sorry for.

If it feels appropriate, you can ask your partner how you might make amends for what you've done. Really listen to what he or she is requesting.

Are you willing to make amends in this way? If not, is there another action that is similar to this that you might propose?

When you do agree to make amends in a particular way, be sure to follow through.

Every time that you follow through-- whether it's making amends or on other agreements-- you bolster trust and promote connection.

#3) Learn from what happened.

This is essential. Remember the saying, "Those who forget the lessons of history are doomed to repeat them?"

Take a thorough and honest look at your jealousy habit and the past (and present) experiences and dynamics that fuel it.

If you have low self esteem, it is probable the your jealousy is being fed by those beliefs. If you still carry around pain from being cheated on in the past, this is probably playing a part in your jealousy today.

Begin to make completions with your past and also to change any limiting beliefs so that you can stop your jealousy habit. It might take time and a lot of persistence-- but it's worth it.
 

While these 3 tips may seem simplistic, they are potentially relationship-altering. In many cases, people know what is required in difficult situations such as those involving jealousy, but they don't take the common sense steps called for.

Take courage and remember to breathe deeply along the way. Remind yourself that taking these steps can lead you closer to the re-connection and kind of relationship that you desire.
***********************************************

Susie and Otto Collins are married, life partners who are Relationship and Life Success Coaches, and authors of several books on relationships, including their newest e-book Magic Relationship Words.  Other popular books by Susie and Otto  are: Should You Stay or Should You Go?, No More Jealousy, Creating Relationship Trust, Communication Magic and Attracting Your Perfect Partner.

 In addition to having a great relationship, they regularly write, speak and conduct seminars on love, relationships and personal growth. To read more free articles like this or to sign up for their free online relationship tips newsletter visit http://www.collinspartners.com or http://www.RelationshipGold.com
 

Susie and Otto Collins
P.O. Box 14544
Columbus, Ohio 43214
(614) 459-8121

Free Relationship Advice Articles : Our Relationship Products : Recommended Books : Relationship Coaching : Speaking Topics : About Susie and Otto : Workshops and Events : Affiliate Program : Relationship Links & Resources : Link to Us : Other Articles 1 : Other Articles 2 : Thanks : Site Map 2005 Susie and Otto Collins. All Rights Reserved. Relationship Gold  Personal Growth Planet