"Friendship: The Second Part of the Love
Equation That Leads To a
Successful, Lasting and Happy Relationship"
By Susie and Otto Collins
Recently, we attended a seminar in Chicago on creating more of
what you want for your life and met a truly inspiring couple
They were high school sweethearts and have
for 50 years. Since they were still
obviously very much in love,
we asked them what their secret was.
What this man told us confirmed that they
really do know
one of the true secrets to a lasting, loving
In his wonderful British accent, the man told
us, "I really quite
like her!" When he said this, his wife's
faced glowed and she
responded that she felt the same.
So often, we are asked the question "What's
the secret to a
long-lasting, loving relationship?" The
British couple that we
met certainly gave all of us one of those big
secrets and we
wanted to pass it onto you.
You see, it's not enough to be "in love" with
someone in order
to have a great relationship. You have to
also be "in like" with
them as well.
Here's what "in like" means to us...
-You enjoy being and talking with them.
-You would choose this person as a good
friend if you weren't
in an intimate relationship with them.
-You choose to spend your time with them.
-You choose to do things together.
-You choose to accept them for who they are
who you want them to be.
Now this may seem very simplistic but if you
you will see a lot of people in committed
claim to love one another but they don't seem
to like each
other very much.
In our relationship, we really do "like" each
other. We don't
spend time together just because we're
married and business
partners, but we want to spend time with each
other. In fact,
there's NO ONE we'd rather talk to than each
Sadly enough in many relationships it isn't
When two people don't seem to like each other
they often put each other down, often in
front of other people or
they try to "fix" one another. They find
other ways to spend
their time than being with each other. All
of this erodes trust
and fosters uncertainty, worthlessness, and
So if you're beginning a new relationship,
take a look at how
you are feeling when you are with this
person. Do you feel
like you are with a friend who really likes
you and you like
them? If not, you may want to take a close
look at whether
you want to stay in this relationship or not.
If you are not currently in a committed
relationship and wanting
to be in one, take this opportunity to
practice being a better friend
to the people in your life. Begin to form a
vision for what you
want in a relationship and be sure to include
the kind of friendship
that you are wanting.
If you are in a committed relationship, take
a look at whether
the two of you are friends or not. If you
feel like there's some
room for improvement, begin to act more like
a friend to your
partner and also ask for what you need as
well. Take this
opportunity to talk about how you can be
better friends with
each other and what that might mean.
One suggestion we'll make to help you find
more to like about
the person you're with is to suggest that you
you focus on with that other person.
We recommend that you "find the overlap"
two of you and spend your time, effort and
energy in that
relationship focusing on what you like, love
about that other person instead of what you
In other words, focus on the commonalities
that the two of you have instead of what's
the two of you or what you don't like about
the other person.
We invite you to learn from our new friends
from Great Britain
about how to create long-lasting, close
Understand the importance of and cultivate
not just loving that
other person but continuously find ways to
focus on being people
that "like" each other as well.
Susie and Otto Collins are married, life partners who are
Relationship and Life Success Coaches, and authors of several books
on relationships, including "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" "No
More Jealousy" "Creating Relationship Trust" "Communication Magic"
"Attracting Your Perfect Partner"
and "How to Heal
Your Broken Heart." In addition to having a great
relationship, they regularly write, speak and conduct seminars on
love, relationships and personal growth. To read more free articles
like this or to sign up for their free online relationship tips
newsletter visit http://www.collinspartners.com