One secret to move
beyond a divorce or relationship breakup is to be sure to make
completions with the past.
People tend to carry
around with them the words, thoughts and things they wish they
could have done or not done. This stays with them for many
years and from relationship to relationship until they choose to
let it go. These "could haves" or "could not haves" hang around
new relationships somewhat like ghosts and keep us separate from
the love we are wanting to give and to receive. It is almost
impossible to totally share love with a new partner when we hold
on to those memories and old "ghosts."
You've likely noticed
someone (maybe yourself) whose relationships seem to follow a
similar trajectory, especially the way they end. The person
might puzzle over what went wrong-- again! The potentially new
direction in life was not taken and relationship lessons were
not learned. In short, the person might have expected a
different result but didn't see it when doing the same things
over and over again.
Making completions, the
little known secret of this message, is a way for you to take
responsibility for your life. In making completions you
acknowledge what went right and what went wrong in the process
and then you symbolically end the old way of being in
relationships through the steps you take.
This doesn't require you
to talk with or even see your former partner and hash out what
you might have said or done. Instead, you may choose to journal
about the relationship and what it meant to you. It could also
take the form of a ritual that you create for yourself in which
you let that previous partner go. Completions look different
for every person.
In our research and work
coaching people, we've found that completions are a necessary
element in the process of healing after a divorce or breakup and
moving on with your life. For more ideas about how to make
completions in your life, check out our book--
How to Heal Your Broken
Heart: The Secrets to Getting Over a Relationship Breakup or