"Embracing The Change Around Us
after a Breakup or End of a Relationship"
by Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship
Whether you're 18 or 80, there's a lot to be
learned about love and relationships from a new friend we made
last week and here's what happened...
We attended the funeral of Otto's good
friend's mother, Juanita. Before the service began, a woman sat
down beside Susie and after a few minutes, she introduced
herself. Her name was Ann and she began telling Susie about her
relationship with Juanita--her best friend since the first
As Ann reminisced about the wonderful times
with her friend, she reminded Susie that change is inevitable
and to love the people who come into your life, every moment of
Not only was Ann an example of love in action
but she was a excellent teacher of graciously accepting the
things in your life that you cannot change and moving forward.
In that moment of her own pain, she chose to focus on her belief
was in a better place after her prolonged
illness and on their good times together.
She went on to say that she had buried two
husbands, along with losing this close friend, and yet she
continues to focus on the joy and love in her life.
We think that Ann is a wonderful example of
how to accept change with an attitude of gratitude for what has
gone before and openness to possibilities and love.
Change in our relationships and in our lives
is as inevitable as the sun rising in the morning and setting in
the evening. Most of us go through one or several breakups
or lose our partner during our lifetime.
Those changes can be very painful. Here are
some suggestions that we have found to be helpful for accepting
change in our relationships and in our lives:
1. Embrace "what is"
When large changes happen in our lives,
sometimes we would rather avoid looking at the truth and deny
that the changes are happening, instead of looking at "what
is." One woman called us a few days ago to ask for help to save
her relationship. The only problem is that her husband, who has
been in counseling for 6 months, has repeatedly
asked her for a divorce. In spite of his
repeated request, she seems to be holding onto a relationship
that he no longer wants to be in.
We're not at all suggesting that leaving a
relationship or giving up on a relationship is always the best
thing to do. In fact, we are great proponents of hope and
revitalizing relationships. We're simply pointing out that this
woman seemed to not see the "writing on the wall" and to accept
his wishes and this change in her life.
What we are suggesting is that in your
relationships and in your life, you can always...
2. Learn from what happened
Embrace every relationship, every moment as a
learning experience waiting to happen. Every now and then we'll
lose our connection with each other and when we do, we take time
to learn from what happened. We try to come up with ways to
change that will make our relationship even better.
3. Be in gratitude for what was
Like Ann, no matter what has happened in your
life and in your relationships, you can always be in gratitude
for what has happened. Because the truth is that you are who you
are in this moment because of your experiences, the people
you've met, and the stories that have touched your life.
We've discovered that shifting to being
grateful helped ease the pain when dramatic changes rocked our
lives and we think that it will do the same in yours.
4. Look at where you are now and determine
how you want to begin moving forward in your life
Whether you are in a good relationship and want to make it
better, in an unhappy relationship, or not in an intimate
relationship now, we suggest that you take the opportunity to
determine what it is that you want. What's one small step that
you can take to move toward having what you want? Figure out
what that one small step is and do it.
We all experience change in our lives and we
hope that some of these suggestions are helpful to you as you too
begin to open more to possibilities and to love.
If you are interested in more information to help you heal from
your relationship breakup, visit
Susie and Otto Collins are married, life partners who are
Relationship and Life Success Coaches, and authors of several books
on relationships, including "How
to Heal Your Broken Heart," "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" "No
More Jealousy" "Creating Relationship Trust" "Communication Magic"
and "Attracting Your Perfect Partner." In addition to having a great
relationship, they regularly write, speak and conduct seminars on
love, relationships and personal growth. To read more free articles
like this or to sign up for their free online relationship tips
newsletter visit http://www.collinspartners.com