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"Being "Real" in Your Relationships"

by Susie And Otto Collins

This week we joined the 20-something masses and attended a Dave Mathews Band concert. They played a song called, "Ants Marching" and we felt like the lyrics really told the story of a lot of relationships and lives.

In his song, Dave depicts the average life and the average relationship. "He wakes up in the morning, Does his teeth, Bite to eat and he's rolling. Never changes a thing. The week ends, the week begins. She thinks, we look at each other Wondering what the other is thinking But we never say a thing And these crimes between us grow deeper.  Take these chances. Place them in a box until a quieter time. Lights down, you up and die."

What Dave's really saying in his blunt way is that most of us in our relationships aren't willing to speak our truth about our thoughts and we end up taking these thoughts, unspoken, to our graves.

The great motivational speaker Zig Ziglar talks about the tragedy of people going to their graves with their music still in them--not living their lives to the fullest.

If you want your relationships to be "real," alive and powerful, we suggest the concept of spiritual partnership. A spiritual partnership is not about religion--it's about two people coming together, using their relationship as a venue to heal, learn and grow.

How is a spiritual partnership different from other types of relationships?

In a spiritual partnership, (this can be any relationship) each partner is committed to telling the truth, and not holding back, however painful it might be. The relationship is alive, growing, and filled with passion because of constant communication and being willing to tackle issues as they arrive.  Each partner can be himself or herself--with no hiding.

This concept was introduced to the masses by Gary Zukav's book "Seat of the Soul."  We were dramatically impacted by this concept and it has changed our lives forever.

So how often are you not living your truth in relationships? What is the underlying fear that comes up for you when you think about telling your truth? We all have relationships where we don't feel safe enough to be open and honest. Those relationships are dead and aren't going anywhere.

We've found that Steven Covey's phrase, "Old resentments never die--they just get buried alive and come up later in uglier ways," is so true. Haven't you had that happen in your life?  If you just bury a hurt feeling or misunderstanding, it just comes up later in another situation or with another person as misplaced anger.

So we have found that the only way to create outstanding relationships of all kinds is to have open, honest communication at all times and by doing it in such a way that the other person can hear your truth.

This is tough.  But what is tougher is having a relationship that is mired in unspoken issues. Do what Susan Jeffers suggests, "Feel the fear and do it anyway."  When you do, your relationships will be more real and honest.

So we challenge you this week to choose a relationship or situation that needs to be healed and tackle just one small issue that stands in the way of a more harmonious relationship.

If you do, you'll be one step closer to forming a great spiritual partnership with that other person.  

Susie and Otto Collins are married, life partners who are Relationship and Life Success Coaches, and authors of several books on relationships, including "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" "No More Jealousy" "Creating Relationship Trust" "Communication Magic" and "Attracting Your Perfect Partner." In addition to having a great relationship, they regularly write, speak and conduct seminars on love, relationships and personal growth. To read more free articles like this or to sign up for their free online relationship tips newsletter visit or


Susie and Otto Collins
P.O. Box 14544
Columbus, Ohio 43214
(614) 459-8121

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