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"Awareness--feeling your feelings" 
by Susie and Otto Collins

Our daughter took our grandson to his friend's birthday party this weekend and was struck by the atypical conversation among the adults. They were discussing personality types and feelings--not your normal conversation at a party for 5 year olds or 55 year olds, for that matter.  In our society it is rare for a group of people who don't know each other well to feel safe enough to have a discussion about feelings.

Most people go to great lengths to hide or deny their feelings about their lives, their work, their relationships and most things that matter to them.

Psychiatrist Dr. David Viscott in his tape series "Emotional Resilience" says, "If we were to live honestly, our lives would heal themselves."  He explains how he helps people heal by helping them find ways to acknowledge their true feelings about past, current or future events that trouble them.

In our relationship, when we lose our connection, it is usually because we have not taken the time to become aware of what we are feeling and then communicate those feelings to each other.  We get lost in the day to day "busyness" of life and don't take the time to "tune into" ourselves and each other.

It's easy to deny your feelings, bury them, and pretend they aren't there.  We all see it everyday with people we work with and our friends.  They are mystified as to why their relationships lack passion and aren't working when the reality is--these people aren't willing to look at the truth of their situations.

Barbara DeAngelis says that if you are repressing, you're repressing.  In other words, it's impossible to repress your feelings in one area of your life and be passionate and open in other areas.

If you find that you have become distant and withdrawn--emotionally or physically from someone you love—we suggest that you do as we try to do.  At the next possible moment that you realize the separation and disconnection with this person, we suggest that you talk about how you are feeling and what's going on in your relationship and your life.

Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks, authors of the book "Conscious Loving," made the commitment to each other to tell each other their feelings within10 seconds of recognizing them.   How very powerful this could be if all of us felt we could make this commitment in our relationships.  Imagine how much closer we could feel to the people in our lives if we could make this kind of commitment.  


Susie and Otto Collins are married, life partners who are Relationship and Life Success Coaches, and authors of several books on relationships, including "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" "No More Jealousy" "Creating Relationship Trust" "Communication Magic" and "Attracting Your Perfect Partner." In addition to having a great relationship, they regularly write, speak and conduct seminars on love, relationships and personal growth. To read more free articles like this or to sign up for their free online relationship tips newsletter visit or

Susie and Otto Collins
P.O. Box 14544
Columbus, Ohio 43214
(614) 459-8121

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