Communicating After the Extramarital Affair or
by Dr. Frank Ginzburg
Once both of you have started coming to terms with the emotions that
have come up because of the cheating and extramarital affair, you
will need to begin communicating about and exploring rebuilding your
This is often difficult and the truth is that it isn't always easy.
But there is a way you can do it.
According to marriage and family counsellor Dr. Frank Ginzburg, the
cornerstone of rebuilding your relationship is one simple
Intimate relationships are built on communication. Talking to one
another is one of the main ways we come to know each other. If you
don't talk to your partner, there is no way to know how they think
or feel. There is no way to know what they want. In essence, there
is no foundation on which to build a lasting relationship.
This means that if you want to completely heal from the destruction
the affair has caused, you are going to need to talk with your
partner about your relationship. And you are going to need to talk
with them a lot.
Together you will need to explore every aspect of your relationship.
And you will need to agree on ways that you can start building your
relationship into what you always wanted it to be.
When couples start talking again, one of the first questions that
comes up is whether or not they should discuss the affair.
According to Dr. Gunzburg, a lot of people seem to think that they
should talk about the extramarital affair or infidelity if they are
going to move forward. But the truth is that this isn't always
necessary. You may be surprised to learn that you don't have to talk
about affair in order to heal from the pain you are feeling and
create a relationship that is better than ever.
Remember, when you are healing from an affair, the process is about
what you need. There are no right or wrong answers. You don't have
to do anything. Listen to your inner voice. Pay attention to your
own needs. You know what you need better than anyone.
If you do choose to talk about the affair, Dr. Gunzburg gives some
Tips for Talking about the extramarital affair or infidelity. Here
are a few of his ideas:
1. The first thing you want to do if you are going to discuss the
affair is request complete honesty from your partner. If you decide
that you need to hear about the details of the affair, then you
can't expect your partner to hold back or to tell you what you want
2. That being said, a discussion about the affair should always be
initiated by the injured partner, and it should be structured as a
question and answer session where the injured partner asks questions
and the cheater answers those questions.
This is not a place for the cheater to vent about the affair or to
share details about it that the injured has not specifically asked
for. The cheater should show some restraint. They should not expand
their answers beyond what the injured has asked, and they should not
offer information that wasn't specifically requested.
This means that you should be careful what you ask for. You just
might get it. If you request complete honesty from your partner,
expect them to give it to you. That means you should be really
careful in choosing which questions you want to ask.
Don't jump the gun and ask for information you will later regret. I
specifically suggest you stay away from questions that are
comparative in nature. These are questions like: "Was she a better
lover than me?" "Did she do things in bed that I don't do?" "Do you
enjoy spending time with her more than me?"
Questions like this tend to go nowhere. They don't resolve any real
issues and they just build up resentment. If you have any doubt
about the question you are considering, I recommend writing it down
and carrying it around with you for a while. This way you have the
time to consider whether or not it is a question you truly need an
To find out more about how to communicate after the affair, we
invite you to sign up for a free email course by marriage and family
counsellor Dr. Frank Gunzburg PhD who has specialized in helping
couples heal their relationship from an affair since 1978.
|"Restoring Trust After The Extramarital Affair or Infidelity Might
Sound Like An Empty Promise Or Too Good To Be True, But It Is
Possible." - Dr. Frank Gunzburg
"Join My Free Email Course And Discover The Steps You Need To Take
If You Want to Rebuild The Trust Back Into Your Relationship."
My 7-step FREE email course, will get you started on the right
track. Inside this special email series I will take you through all
the major issues I cover in my complete step-by-step affair-healing
system. Over the next 7 days you will discover:
Part 1: How to start the healing process after an affair
Part 2: How to cope with initial trauma of the affair
Part 3: How to take control of your emotions and stay sane
Part 4: How to get the images out of your mind
Part 5: How to talk about the details of the affair
Part 6: Why the affair happened and how to prevent it from happening
Part 7: Steps for restoring the trust back into the relationship
Simply add your name and email below and press the button that say's
"Instant Access". After that happens in 30 seconds we will email you
Dr. Frank Gunzburg is a licensed counselor in Maryland
and has been specializing is helping couples restore their
marriage for over 30 years. He is also the author of How to
Survive an Affair, a step-by-step healing system that can
help a couple repair their relationship after it has been
shattered from an affair.
If your relationship has been damaged by an affair and you
would like a step-by-step system for repairing your
relationship, then please visit Dr. Gunzburg's site for more
This article was used by permission from How to Survive An
Relationship coaches Susie and Otto
of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More
Jealousy" are experts at helping people get more of the
love they really want. Learn the 5 keys to a closer, more
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