The Three Symptoms of Affair Withdrawal
by Dr. Frank Gunzburg
Baltimore Maryland When you end the affair, you might get a feeling
of "withdrawal." As I stated above, being in an affair is a lot like
being addicted to a drug. This means that when you end the affair
you will have to go through the uncomfortable experience of
withdrawal before you can be "clean" again.
There are three major emotional symptoms of affair withdrawal:
anger, anxiety, and depression. Why you might have these emotions
should be fairly self-explanatory at this point.
You can expect to have intense withdrawal symptoms for about three
weeks. You may continue to feel some symptoms for up to six months,
but they should gradually diminish in intensity and frequency over
this time period.
During this time, you are in a vulnerable position. Like an addict,
you might be tempted to use your favorite drug again. You might be
tempted to contact your lover again to help calm the force of your
Doing so is a little bit like a heroin addict in recovery who says
they are "just going to do a little hit to make the pain go away."
This is clearly a terrible idea. If you do this, it is likely you
will be tempted to start using again, end up back in the affair, and
undo all the difficult work you have done up to this point.
Do not, I repeat, do not attempt to contact your lover. This will
destroy your relationship.
Instead, reinvest in repairing your relationship. This is liable to
be difficult as well, particularly if you have just informed your
partner about the affair. If you are talking to your partner at all,
it is likely that your communication is negative and difficult. It
is unlikely that you will be getting a great deal of positive
feedback from your partner at this point and this is bound to make
you feel emotionally disconnected. This could worsen your withdrawal
If you feel that you have had your needs met in this affair in a way
that they haven't been met in your relationship, there is going to
be a time when you need to address those problems with your partner.
That time isn't now. I say this here to help you have hope that you
can get what you need out of your relationship and not feel
compelled to continue going outside it to fulfill those needs.
Remember that you are going through this painful time for a reason:
you want to heal your relationship. You can look at this difficult
period as a necessary step to straightening out the mess you have
made of your relationship. Like an addict, there may be a period of
time in which you suffer. Going through that is the first step to
putting your life back on the right course.
Keep in mind that when you maintain the course of recovery through
this rough period, the reward is a relationship that is better than
you ever dreamed. Use the strategies you have learned up to this
point to overcome your negative feelings, and hang tight in your
determination to rebuild your relationship. Your efforts will pay
None of this will be easy. You will likely face quite a lot of
emotional difficulty when you end the affair. Nonetheless, it is
necessary to face this pain in order to restore your relationship.
|"Restoring Trust After The Extramarital Affair or Infidelity Might
Sound Like An Empty Promise Or Too Good To Be True, But It Is
Possible." - Dr. Frank Gunzburg
"Join My Free Email Course And Discover The Steps You Need To Take
If You Want to Rebuild The Trust Back Into Your Relationship."
My 7-step FREE email course, will get you started on the right
track. Inside this special email series I will take you through all
the major issues I cover in my complete step-by-step affair-healing
system. Over the next 7 days you will discover:
Part 1: How to start the healing process after an affair
Part 2: How to cope with initial trauma of the affair
Part 3: How to take control of your emotions and stay sane
Part 4: How to get the images out of your mind
Part 5: How to talk about the details of the affair
Part 6: Why the affair happened and how to prevent it from happening
Part 7: Steps for restoring the trust back into the relationship
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Dr. Frank Gunzburg is a
licensed counselor in Maryland and has been specializing is
helping couples restore their marriage for over 30 years. He
is also the author of How to Survive an Affair, a
step-by-step healing system that can help a couple repair
their relationship after it has been shattered from an
If your relationship has been damaged by an affair and you
would like a step-by-step system for repairing your
relationship, then please visit Dr. Gunzburg's site for more
This article was used by permission from How to Survive An
Relationship coaches Susie and Otto
of "Should You Stay or Should You Go?" and "No More
Jealousy" are experts at helping people get more of the
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