What is Jealousy?
By Relationship Coaches Susie and Otto Collins
(Authors and Creators of the book and
No More Jealousy)
What is jealousy?
When we think about this question-- we could answer
it in many ways.
However one of the best ways to answer the question
about what jealousy is to consider the words of
Marianne says, "everything we do is
either an act of love or a cry for help." she
goes on to talk about that in The Course
in Miracles it says there are only two emotions: love
It's been our experience that what's underneath
jealousy is fear of one kind or another. Jealousy is
about real or imagined fears--fear of abandonment,
fear of loss of love, fear of being dishonored in
the relationship, fear of being shamed in the
community, unresolved issues from past
relationships, lack issues, poor self esteem, cover
or mask for things from the past that you haven't
healed yet, vindictive or a desire for revenge that
is misguided or misdirected toward someone else.
When jealous feelings come up, it's usually because
we're afraid that we won't get our needs of one kind
or another met. It's been our experience that when
jealousy comes up, somewhere within us, we are
crying out for help.
Jealousy usually seems to result from a couple of
There is "proof" or at least a strong suspicion that
agreements and commitments between two people have
actually been broken by one of them or...
It shows up when one person or both people in the
relationship are very insecure in their relationship
or in life. Jealous feelings come up with a
partner, or others, whose actions haven't warranted
Whatever is going on--whether the jealousy is
"warranted" or not--fear is at the bottom of those
feelings and there's a lot more going on than what
is on the surface. Until we look at those fears and
begin to heal them, no matter what relationship
we're in, jealousy will creep in again and again.
In their descriptions about their jealousy
challenges, many people talk about "withdrawing,"
"getting quiet," "becoming numb," "saying things
they didn't mean" and "lashing out." These
behaviors are all ways to shield, protect and
insulate themselves from the pain they are feeling
These things they are doing also create a serious
impact on their relationships.
If jealousy is an issue in your life, we suggest
that you try to understand your behavior and what's
underneath it and then you can begin to take steps
to heal it.
interested we offer a free online course about how
jealousy. This FREE online course about
overcoming jealousy is based on our course called No
To get this free
online course about "No More Jealousy" visit